my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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