McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
