I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
