My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Who died my cat blue again?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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