So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
