i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
