OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
