I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
