made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
