Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize