It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
