sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
