you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
