I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
