i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
