I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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