hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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