anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
