I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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