im about as happy as oj after his trial
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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