sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sorry my hands just texted you
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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