I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
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It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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