Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
