fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
