I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
