he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
