i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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