When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
