can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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