so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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