Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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