Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
