Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
