I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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