booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
