Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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