Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
