Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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