I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
