I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
