come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
