shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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