i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
How's work?
Spinning.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
