I love black thongs
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
