I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
