Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
