At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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