Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
