Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Randomize
