I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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