Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
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He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
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The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize