I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
