You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
