Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
