Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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