marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He shit in the fireplace
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
