She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
