I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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