i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm like, not good at living.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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