At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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