i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
