Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
