eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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