I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
