you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
