i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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