So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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