I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Who died my cat blue again?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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