i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
