Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
